“Ah, Humphrey, I’ve been meaning to ask you about the department’s latest set of
proposals.”
“But of course, Minister. Anything in particular?”
“Yes, I was wondering if you could give me a general summary.”
“Well, the proposals cover the implementation of the new departmental designation
procedures for Objects of Significance.”
“And they are?”
“Well, Minister, once an Object of Significance is discovered, it can be given a
designation of being a Thing or an Item. You see the first set of objects are to
be designated as Things as opposed to Items, and the the second set of objects
are to be designated as Items rather than Things.”
“So explain to me, why we have to do this.”
“Isn’t it obvious? If we didn’t, we could end up with Things believed to be Items
and visa versa. One simply shudders at the chaos and confusion that would cause
within the Department.”
“I see. So what’s the difference? I mean between Things and Items”
“Things are quite obvious Things and well, Items are Items. The staff in the
Department are quite please with that definition.”
“And that’s it, Humphrey? After several departmental reviews, a special committee
and extra staff taken on to handle all the work, that is all you can come up
with?”
“Not at all, Minister. Also within the guidelines of the proposals, we have also
have set aside a further contingency that an object may be given the designation
of being an Item of Power.”
“Ah, that sounds more like it. But let me check, it is just Items of Power, no
Things?”
“Quite so.”
“And how are we defining those then?”
“Well, an object is deemed to be an Item of Power when it has a greater
significance than either an Item of Significance or a Thing of Significance.”
“A greater Significance? A greater Significance to who?”
“Everyone, Minister”
“Everyone?”
“Well, to anyone who matters.”
“Look, Humphrey. This simply is not good enough. We need to come up with a set of
guidelines that can be implemented by our agents in the field. Next you will be
telling me, you have come up with ways to define Things of Beauty.”
“Alas, Minister, it is beyond our power here at the D.A.A. to designate something
as a Thing of Beauty.”
“Good, glad to hear that some things are sacred.”
“Things of Beauty come under the remit of the Department for Culture, Media &
Sport”
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Methinks, the GM put this up as I didn’t. Hmmm. Although the work is mine.
Yep – the GM did – though you got the credit – it deserved to be preserved 🙂